Jack O

Bros Weigh in on: HALO

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Jack Neuheisel

I’m by no means an authority when it comes to video games, but if your telling me Halo 3 isn’t the game of games, I’m calling you a liar and maybe even my enemy. I’m now 23, and Halo 3 informs an embarrassing amount of my life. Decisions are made, old scores are settled, and new map lines are drawn according to the leaderboard of this 11 year old game. 

 

 

 

Todd Anderson

I work in real estate, and let’s just say it’s real sweet. I’ve been on a tear lately selling low-rent housing to kids at my old college, so I treated myself to a second 36 inch flat screen and let’s just say it’s the best decision anyone has ever made ever. There’s nothing quite like tossing on a game of High Ground and sniping noobs from the tower while watching Happy Gilmore on the other TV. Sometimes I’ll toss a quote or two to the boys on their headsets just so they can get a taste of how the other half lives. 

 

 

 

Henry O’Shea

I was late to the Halo train. Back when people first started getting original Xbox’s, I was still lost in the forgotten world of GameCube. Unfortunately I bet wrong and was forced to hop on the Xbox 360 boat super late and had to ask which buttons meant what like a total idiot. In hindsight I curse my nine year old self. Just take one look at a GameCube controller. It’s the ancient version of a PlayStation 2 controller which is the ancient version of the Xbox controller. But I wasn’t the only GameCube fan. Remember in Drake and Josh when they had a “GameSphere”? Yeah. Me too. 

 

 

 

Trip Howlett

The best part of Halo Live is that you always win. If I pepper some jabroni full of needles, it’s because he’s a born and bred loser who probably has to ask his mommy to pay for his XBox Live account. If some nerd blows me up with a lucky grenade, it’s because he’s a fucking nerd who spends his entire life playing a fake game about aliens, and hasn’t spoken to a female in years, besides his mommy when he wants her to pay for his XBox Live account. 

 

 

 

Matt McGinnis

Halo Slayer, Nazi Zombies, Fortnite Battle Royale, these games are for the alpha dog in everyone. For these gaming gladiators there are no second bests, it’s all about competition and developing your skill. Energy swords, ray guns, tactical shotguns these things all have something in common, they’re for fucking beasts, and they’re easy to use in multiplayer. Destiny and Call of Duty Infinite Warfare are the worst games ever. If you like them there is little I can do for you, but if you’re worried, feel free to go kick a bed frame. 

 

 

 

Deuce Junior

Halo is like Copenhagen Wintergreen Longcut - it’s addictive, relaxing, and good for the soul. 

Despite All My Rage, I am Still Just Nicolas Cage

People poke fun at Nic Cage because he exclusively plays insane, eccentric, and insanely eccentric characters. But, there's a reason why his roles are always that of schizophrenic crackheads - he's damn good at it. 

In fact, he's so damn good at playing the personification of throwing star fidget spinners that he's cornered the entire market. He forfeited the opportunity to play the handsome straight man on purpose. He generously tossed those jobs to lesser actors like Brad Pitt and George "I live where you vacation" Clooney. 

He gives and he gives and he gives. While other actors are instagramming at Coachella or pretending to shop at Safeway for the People Magazine Stars: They're Just Like Us column, Cage is staring at himself in the mirror, sometimes for days on end, honing his craft. He pumps out movie after movie after movie, partly to pay off his debts to the IRS, but mostly to give us lowly fans another chance to get a brief glimpse at what peaking is. 

This is a tribute to Mr. Cage, master of rage...